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Lord Clark, Son of Roger, First of his Name.
Make haste for Lord Clark, Peasants! Lord Clark was born to a peasant family in the east. As soon as he left his Mother's womb he entered a suitcase of love. When he reached his 7th birthday, he knew he was fit to rule... but where? Lord Clark grew tired of the east, the crowded streets and abundance of noodles angered him. He knew he must leave soon or he would disgrace his family name. At night, Lord Clark would dream of his future kingdom. Fields of green, Yorkshire puddings too. He would dream of chavs and littered streets, this would bring a smile to his face and a tear to his eye. He finally decided to leave his home at the age of 14. He dyed his hair blue and donned a leather cowboy hat to mask his identity. The long road to Lordship Lord Clark and his band of merry men searched the United Kingdom for the mythical town of Mexborough. Lord Clark did not reveal his true identity to the men, as they would have sold him back to the East for spices and rice. To hide his identity he always wore his leather cowboy hat, steampunk goggles and dyed his hair blue. His steampunk goggles were tinted black, so that no one could tell he was from the East. For seven weeks he searched, and for seven weeks he failed to find Mexborough. He had traded his last digestive for an ancient map detailing where Mexborough would be found, but he was unsuccessful. He hired Sam Brooks to aid with the search, with his enchanted glasses that allowed him to see for miles, but even that did not work. However, along his travels, Jacob came across a young wizard named McGazz. He wiped it off the wizard's shirt collar and apologized. Lord Clark had always had a strange attraction to wizards, and McGazz was a strapping, young mage with a crooked blue hat. Lord Clark took no time to introduce himself. "Vat's reyt fit, vat is" Lord Clark said to his guard Sam the Slimy, who was currently cleaning his enchanted glasses, as they approached McGazz. "Stop it, I'll report you!", screamed McGazz in reply. The young wizard unbuttoned his Umbro three quarter trousers, and out fell a long, drooping length of flesh. "What is vat, oh grand, powerful wizard?". "My magical member, sir" replied McGazz. It wasn't long before Lord Clark disappeared up McGazz's wizards sleeve. After that, they became the best of friends. Lord Clark shared his dream of ruling Mexborough with the wizard. McGazz stroked his enchanted member whilst discussing Lord Clark's dream. It turned out that McGazz once too had a dream, to be the most powerful wizard in all of Yorkshire, but his dream fell apart when he was young due to some complication with the Wizard Police Force. McGazz agreed to help Lord Clark find Mexborough, but only if Lord Clark sacrificed something very special. Lord Clark agreed, and that night was the night that he cut off his left testicle. Forming the Merry Men o' Mexborough (Mekki) After meeting with the wizard McGazz, Lord Clark had the idea to form a band of several men in order to find Mexborough. He called the band the Merry Men o' Mexborough. They were to aid him in his quest to discover and rule Mexborough. Lord Clark instructed his chief guard, Sam the Slimy, to root out young and able men to enlist for his group. Agreeing, Sam left in a hurry. Several days later Sam returned with not a single man. "Where are my recruits?" Lord Clark demanded. "What? I dun' know..." Sam replied. "Sam for Christ's sake, you're demoted. You're now my chief boot cleaner". "Fair enough." Sam said in response. Lord Clark later decided to lead the search himself. He envied Sam's fine hair and Corduroy trousers, but he agreed with the Wizard McGazz, who always called Sam "dense". Lord Clark traded Sam's enchanted glasses for a pair of camels named Nat and Brett. The camels would help Lord Clark travel the wastes of England so that he might perhaps stumble across Mexborough. The camel Nat was extremely witty and somehow had the ability to talk, whereas Brett was the opposite. Brett always collapsed after 2 minutes of work, however he had the magical ability to conditional format with ease. Sam and Nat became the best of friends, Sam always wanted to sit with Nat, especially during Lord Clark's ICT lessons. Lord Clark decided to train his men in the ancient art of ICT, these skills would definitely not aid them in their later life, but for some reason he still taught it them. Sam sometimes became frustrated as Nat always copied his work. "Fiends!" Nat beckoned. He had seen something in the distance. Smoke circled in the air, just above the sunset that stretched across the horizon. "That's a campfire!" Sam shouted in reply.